The first moment I realized it, I was terrified by the scale of this heartbreaking betrayal!
How couldn’t I see it before?
The person who has done the cruellest things to me…it was me!
I was the one that beat up myself over my mistakes, that shamed and criticized me times and times again.
I was the one that never really trusted my judgment.
I was the one thinking I am not worthy of all the good things in my life.
I was the one stopping me from chasing the life I have always wanted.
I was the one allowing me to stay in situations in which I didn’t deserve to be.
For my whole life, I have been blind to the many ways I have punished myself. I had no clue.
But now I couldn’t unsee it – it was her – she was my biggest enemy!
Even if many people are committing much more terrifying crimes against themselves – denial, addictions, self-hatred…I’ve never been that harsh with myself but it still breaks my heart to realize how bad I’ve treated myself for decades of my life. And, of course, I still do sometimes. But at least now I could see it.
So I had to choose whether I will hate her for all that she did to me or forgive her…
So I chose forgiveness. I chose to try making friends with her instead.
I chose to trust her.
I chose to support her.
I chose to care for her.
I chose to love her.
I am now in a happy relationship with the person that once used to be my biggest enemy!
How about you? Are you your friend or enemy?
